My First Time

Ok…...get your head out of the gutter because its not what you think it is... ;)

Just last Saturday, I was supposed to be home for dinner and got delayed in rains and traffic. I got a call from Dad asking how far away I was from home and he hung up quite abruptly when I said I would be a little late. As I walked in I knew very well I was in big trouble. My grandparents had just finished dinner and were watching TV. Mum was wrapping things up in the kitchen and Dad had gone for his after dinner nicotine fix.

Mum saw me tiptoeing in and asked, “Have you got any plans for tomorrow?”  That should have been my cue that something was very wrong. She wasn't mad at me for being late. I was so relieved she wasn’t angry that I didn’t read too much into it.

Before I could say anything Mum continued, “There’s a guy from Sydney. Your uncle has organised a meeting at their place tomorrow and we’re going to see the guy”. That’s it. Her job was done. I heard this and just stood there trying to break it down and actually understand what she’d just told me.

Then I flipped. And started blurting questions like,  “How could you just say yes?” “What am I going to do there?” “What’s his name?” “What will we talk about?” “How can I just talk to anybody?” “Am I supposed to carry a tray of water, etc?” and there were many questions. I didn't know how to react and what to say.

My grandparents were amused at how nervous I was and both of them told me the exact same thing. “Don’t talk too much. Don’t start the conversation. Let him ask all the questions and you just reply. Then ask him a few questions. But don’t ask too many questions.” Surprisingly, my parents, and uncle and aunt all of them later gave me the same advice. Really? I am supposed to decide whether I want to marry this guy or not, and I’m not allowed to ask “too many questions” or talk “too much?” That is quite fucked up. I should be told to ask as many questions as I want. To share as much as I like about myself so we both can make a well informed decision about our future. I didn’t have the strength to argue this point as I was still stuck at the thought of an arranged marriage set up.

Morning came and we packed bags and left for my uncle’s place. On the way, I kept telling myself, “This is just another experience. Similar to sky diving. Just let go and experience it for what it is”. This seemed to help calm my nerves and prepared me to go through with it.

We got to my uncle’s place and got ready for the meeting. As soon as I heard the bell, all my self-talk flew from the window and I caught myself running straight and ended up in the kitchen. My Aunt came and asked me to stay there till they called me. I sat there thinking, “I could run to the bedroom, bathroom (and lock myself there). Why the hell did I run to the kitchen? Silly me.” 

My sister in law took out the water and excused me the torture. The families started talking while I grabbed a stool and sat in the kitchen making eye contact with my sister in law asking what the guy looked like. She’s telling me in a hushed tone, “He’s not bad. He’s not very handsome either”. I sit there wondering what exactly that looked like.

Then my aunt comes to the kitchen and walked me out. I walked towards my dad and there were 5 pair of eyes noticing every step of mine. Those 8 steps felt like 8 kilometers in that moment. As I sat down, everyone took turns to check me out from head to toe.

That's not the worst. That’s yet to come. ... Stay tuned for that J