Can't think of a title....(suggest one?)

Before I begin with anything, I want to apologise. I went missing again. This time I was traveling and carried my laptop with me so I didn't miss a daily post. I just couldn't put the words together. Its combination really. A family who just wont understand what "personal time" is and me getting too caught in the language I use. I kept editing and re-editing and then I finally felt it doesn't feel sincere anymore and so I just discarded it.

One thing that's important to me and I have been very careful about when posting anything on here is making sure its straight from my heart. And so I guess, till it starts to get easier to put feelings into words and becomes a natural process a few delays may be expected, initially at least.

So anyway what made me write today?

A couple of days back, a friend posted a link that I simply loved. Here's the link.

http://viewsfromthecouch.com/2012/02/12/you-didnt-thank-me-for-punching-you-in-the-fac/

Why did I love it?

It spoke about how love and respect are important ingredients for any relationships. More importantly, it took me back to 1998 when I'd just joined a new school after having spent over a decade in a boarding school.

The first couple of weeks were painful. Whilst trying to find my feet in a completely new environment I had to put up with boys who found an easy target in me. I was easily bullied then and as far as I remember I went home crying for the first two weeks. I know its hard to imagine that especially if you know me today. But it happened. 

I'd complain to the teachers and they'd just let it slide as "kids being kids" or "boys being boys" or my best "you're just being too sensitive"

Obviously my parents didn't like me coming home in tears. I didn't have my friends around me. My younger sister was also missing from the picture. They were the people I went to when I had such problems in the past. My parents were my only friend and they decided that something had to change. They sat me down and said, "next time someone harasses you, give them a fitting reply. If you get into trouble with your teachers or principal, we'll come and speak with them."

I don't know what happened after that talk. I never came home crying since.

While reading that post earlier this week I realised how their words and actions told me how much they loved me. More importantly how much love and respect I deserved as a person and how anything different was unacceptable. They also made me aware of the strong support system they had going for me and my sister.

Thanks to the realisation, I owe it to their love to never accept anything less.

Changing times....

What's been slightly bothering me lately is that a few friends have been complaining that I don't make enough time for them anymore. Its not like I was making a conscious effort to stay away or anything and so I was trying to figure out what brought about that concern not by one or two friends but a bit more.

I'm still living in the same city. Have the same friends. And I'm still not working. So I wonder what's different?

Suddenly occurs to me that;

a) I am no longer on holidays and have decided to look for a job after living the life of royalty for a year. Yes, job hunting is keeping me busy. Very busy.

b) I have decided to strictly go back to my weight loss program so I can achieve my goals for this year and that means being choosy about when I decide to eat out and party.

Ever been in a similar situation? You've set yourself a goal and suddenly all your energies are focussed on just trying to achieve it so much so that everything else moves to the background?

I wonder if its such a bad thing after all. I don't think it should be. You are going after things that are important to you. In doing so you're growing as a person. You are changing.

Aaaaah.... it so occurs to me then that the real problem lies in the fact that things are changing. All changes happening in my life are affecting my family, friends and the people around me.

Sometimes, apart from communicating and communicating really well, why you're doing something that you're doing there is nothing you can do. Hopefully I've done my bit.

I'm confident that the relationships that are important will meet me on the other side.

Writer's block

Spent all day thinking of what to write... too many thoughts and simply no words... :(

Sleeping now with hope that it'll all come together tomorrow.

G'nite. 

Waking up!

Its been two weeks and I really have to bring this up now 'cause I have no idea what's happened to me. Ok... I'm not talking about love or any sort of similar drug.

I HAVE BEEN WAKING UP IN THE MORNING...! 

wait.... did you just roll your eyes and try to get all sarcastic on me already? Yes, even I know it just means that I'm awake. But let me finish. I've been waking up without the help of an alarm clock....!!! 

All my life, I've thought its next to impossible...! I've believed that alarm clocks are THE way of knowing its time to wake up.

While growing up, I waited for the first bell to ring (in boarding school) and it was still difficult to open my eyes and get out of bed at 6.00 am. On holidays I'd always sleep in unless traveling to new places. On every other day, I always had to set an alarm to wake up. Sometimes two. Sometimes three. (That would be on days when I had something really important)

So what changed?

Very recently I was told by my nutritionist that for my weight loss efforts to be effective I had to let my body rest. Which meant I had to have a complete sleep. 

This is what she said to me.

"By complete sleep, I mean a full 8 hours. If you need the help of an alarm or a nudge by your mum, then you haven't had enough sleep. Your eyes should just open and you will feel fresh when you wake up"

On our way back home I kept telling my mum, "Did you hear that properly? I need to sleep. Now stop waking me every morning. Let me sleep till my eyes open automatically." 

Of course, mum being mum couldn't help but be nervous. She thought I was going to sleep till 10.00 am. She kept reminding me that it also meant, I should sleep around 10.00 - 10.30.

I was skeptical and also wanted a chance to wake up late without giving mum a chance to say, "but you didn't sleep on time" so, I went to sleep at 10.30. I wanted to test this whole "complete sleep" theory.

The next morning, my eyes, believe it or not were open at 6.30 am. I was fresh and stayed that way all day.

I thought maybe I was tensed and had not slept all night. But, it happened again and again and again. Except of course the weekend where I chose to sleep in for an extra hour only to skip exercise.

Its been a couple of weeks today and I just had to share it with you. 

Incredible isn't it? What a sincere commitment to your goals can do to you.

Being naughty.... guilt free..:)

Wow...! When I made the commitment to blog about my experiences everyday, I definitely didn't think it through. Soooo disappointed with myself for having missed a couple of days already. If I'm allowed to make an excuse then it would be that it was the weekend. But who am I kidding right? I made the commitment myself so excuses are a no go.

The good thing is I didn't let the third day go by and I'm back here.

So anyway, what did I get up to? Well, I was in celebration mode because after my first week back on the program I found that I lost 2 kilos. I was ecstatic. And no, by celebration I didn't mean food and drinks. I was just very happy. How did I celebrate? Now, it may sound a little irresponsible on my part already but I slept in and skipped exercise the last couple of days.

Yes, I felt very guilty. Almost didn't feel like waking up this morning.

I spent the start of my day feeling bad about what I'd done. I went back to thinking about how I felt when I slept in. I felt happy. I felt like I had earned it. I knew what it takes to wake up at 6.30 in the morning. The commitment to sleep at 10.30 at night. The sacrifice of a very active social life. I had done that for a week and knew I was capable of doing it again. Suddenly, I didn't feel guilty about sleeping in anymore.

Ever notice how everything you love is always not so good for you.....?

I'm convinced its the work of a marketing genius in the weight loss industry. They make you feel guilty even for craving that odd cupcake once in a while.

No one should feel guilty for doing something that makes them happy. Yes, we should be aware of the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them. Makes a big difference. One is discouraging (for lack of an apt word) and the other is empowering.

So I've decided I'm going to continue being "naughty" on that odd occasion and I'm going to do it guilt free. I'm going to continue enjoying the things that make me happy.
Sleep ins
butter/cheese on toast
creamy pasta
break from exercising
movie marathons with popcorn
ice creams
paan
parties with beer and wine
low fat pizza with extra cheese
maggi noodles
red velvet cupcakes
and the list could get quite exhaustive so I'll stop for now...oh wait..! I can't forget chocolates. Especially Lindt... they are sooooo yummy..... :)


Not letting that marketing genius win......!!!

Why are you "doing it?"

Some time last year (not that long ago) my personal trainer was discussing weight loss with a girl who had just joined the gym in the change rooms. She must've been giving her my example because as soon as I walked in she said "See, this is Tulsi. She's the one. Talk to her."

I figured what they must've been talking about and waited for the girl to speak. Her expression was so familiar. I had been that girl so many times earlier and so I knew exactly what she didn't want to hear.

The girl looked at me and hesitantly asked, "how did you manage to lose so much weight?"
I replied, "because I really wanted to"

Her expression just switched. "What a snob!" is probably what she must've remarked in her mind 'cause that's what I read on her face. I had her attention and realised I shouldn't waste the opportunity.

I asked further, "Why do you want to lose weight?"
She looked at me surprised. Like I'd asked the most stupid(est) question on earth. By now we had company in the change rooms and one of the ladies interrupted.

"She is so fair and has such a lovely face. If she looses a little weight she will look so beautiful. She will get a good husband."

(Suddenly noticing that this girl was in her early-mid 20's) I was very quick to reply. Maybe because I had anticipated the end of that sentence and had heard it a million times before myself.... "She IS already very beautiful."

I suddenly felt I was in a more responsible position to ensure this girl didn't feel any less of herself. No one had the right to make her feel like that. I took a seat next to her and told her, "See, if you are going to try and lose weight because your parents or aunties or uncles or anyone else around you feel that you should, don't do it. If you feel that losing weight is going to get you a good partner, don't do it. If you want to lose weight because you believe it is in your best interests, do it. It means better health, do it. It means more energy, do it. It makes you happy, do it. Make sure you're doing it only because YOU want to do it. If you feel you don't want to, don't do it. You'll only end up wasting valuable resources that could've been used doing things you actually enjoy and that make you truly happy."

Honestly, I haven't seen that girl in the gym since that day. I'm hoping she gave some thought to what I said. Maybe her parents hate me. I'm sure my personal trainer does. She lost a prospective client!

I guess whether its weight loss or anything else for that matter, its important to do it because it makes YOU happy. Its what YOU want to do. At the end of the day, a happy soul is a healthy one.

Hope you know why you're doing it....:)

I'm back..... and here to stay :)

Yes, I know its a little late in the year to be talking about new years resolutions but I figured I may as well have a resolution that I'm going to see through till I achieve it rather than forgetting about it within a week, a month or a couple at best. Hence, the delay in making the commitment to myself.

Most of you would know that I managed to shed quite a bit off in 2011. However, I didn't quite achieve the goal I had in mind last year..... When I tried to take stock of last year I realised it was mostly because I didn't quite factor in the celebrations and holidays that made home, home.

So anyway, coming back to this year. I have resolved to shed 20 kg by the end of this year but more importantly, to blog my daily experiences till I get there. I set up the blog so that I could share my experiences to assure those trying to fight their demons that they're not alone. I'm guilty of not staying true to that purpose and allowing less important things to get in the way. No More. Here's hoping that a public commitment means I don't lose track of my goals.

What this means for you? You can either follow my blog to receive updates every time I post or get spammed on FB or twitter....;) I intend to share a link till I start receiving some seriously scary hate mail. :P

Ok then, I'm off for now. See you again tomorrow morning bright and early.
Good Morning, Good night (depending on which part of the world you're in)