My First time... (continued)

So, everyone had checked me out. I think they forgot that prior to that they were having a conversation. Now there was pin drop silence. If you know me well, you already know what a rare commodity silence is when I’m around. So when I say "pin drop silence" you can imagine how unbearably uncomfortable the situation was, for me.

Finally someone spoke. (I think it was my aunt) She asked, “Will you have some ice cream?” Without waiting for a response she turned to me and suggested (through her eyes) I go and get it. Giving up on my impulse to refuse, I went to the kitchen and came back with a tray. While going around I was trying my best to make sure I’m holding the tray at the right distance (more than anyone, my mum needs to be assured she’s taught me well), making sure my dupatta didn’t fall off when I bent forward with the tray, tried not to step on anyone’s toes and of course, made sure I didn’t actually just drop the tray. I finished serving and again, the pin f****** drop silence.

This time, my uncle broke the silence by suggesting the guy and I sit in the balcony and have a “private” discussion. Great. They realised there’s a possibility we may be uncomfortable! 

My sister in law walked with us towards the balcony where a few chairs had been set out and I whispered to her to stay back and sit with us. She walked away. (I don't think she even heard me)

I sat there in silence trying to decide which topic was best (read safest) for the situation. Finally the guy spoke and asked a question. We started exchanging basic details. Where we lived, what we had studied, what work we did, etc. It wasn't a smooth conversation. It had many pauses. I noticed he was trying to make small talk and wasn’t really interested. You know how sometimes, you just know. This time, I just knew.

Somewhere deep within, I was relieved.

After a good 5 minutes, we went back to the living room. They left within the next 5 minutes. Phew..!

As soon as they left, I ran back to the kitchen. I brought out a bowl of ice cream and started eating. Yes, it shouldn’t be a surprise. I am an emotional eater :) As I sat there eating the ice cream everyone was staring at me waiting for me to talk.

They asked me what I thought. I replied, “I don’t know. I have my reservations. We couldn’t even have a decent conversation.” There was a lot of coaxing. I was being given examples of the varied arranged marriages within the family that were successful. Half an hour later, we were no longer having a conversation. It had become a full-blown argument between dad and myself.

I ended it saying, “If the guy is interested, tell him I would like to talk to him again or meet him another time. I can’t take a decision based on the 5 minute conversation we’ve had”

On our way back home, both father and daughter had cooled down and had a chance to think things through. We were in a better mood and that’s when I asked my dad, “What did you really like about the guy?”

Dad replied, “He’s very well educated. He’s got double masters and he’s earning a good salary”.

I asked again, “A personal quality Dad! What personal quality did you really like in the guy?”

He did try to come up with a list of things but soon realised he was trying very hard. Then finally mum stepped in. She said she didn’t feel right about the match. She gave her own reasons. My dad saw what we were trying to say and conceded.

So what happened in the end?

No, I’m not hitched yet. If I had to decide based on those 5-10 minutes, I would’ve said no anyway (If you know me, you could’ve bet on it.)

From the onset of all the drama, I almost forgot it was a first time for my mum and dad too. They were equally nervous and clueless on what to expect. Having had a love marriage they didn’t have to go through such a situation. 

And most importantly, we decided we didn’t want any more arguments like the one we just had. Since my parents persist there will be a few more similar situations coming up in the near future I suggested we put together a manual. The purpose of that manual will be to act as a reference for such situations. Contents will include the things I am allowed to say and not say. Things my parents are allowed to say and not say. Things we are looking for in my husband or their son in law, etc.

Of course I can foresee a lot more heated arguments coming up…. J

Wish me luck.