Recently (around 10 months ago, that counts as recent when you’ve been around for 28 years), I realised I didn’t know what my favourite food was. Being a foodie I love all sorts of food so always accommodate the choices of people around me unless, I have specific food cravings.
Since the realisation dawned, I had to find out what my favourite food is. So I set out trialling new cuisines at every opportunity I had and I finally found my answer. I felt a strange sort of ‘good’ when I found out. Like I had discovered something new about myself. Because I was feeling so nice, I wanted to share it with someone. So I asked my mum what her favourite food was.
She said, “everything.”
I said, “Yes, I know you eat everything. But what’s your favourite?”
She raised her eyes towards the ceiling trying to recall her favourite food. She didn’t know. I was staring at her, waiting for an answer. She replied, “everything.”
“C’mon Mumma, think. What would you like me to cook for you on your birthday? What would you want to eat if it was your last meal?”
She replied, “Your dad’s favourite dish is ‘xyz.' I also like it”
WTF….! Just because my dad likes a particular dish, it’s her favourite too. I mean, its sweet and all but she had a life before she met my dad too. I wasn’t willing to settle for that answer. I wanted her to feel the same kind of ‘good’ I had felt. So I probed a little more. She got a little agitated saying, “Tulu, you think a lot about a lot of stuff. I don’t like to think so much. I don’t care about my favourite food.”
Wow…..! I knew then the exact sentiments that went into coining the phrase “ignorance is bliss.” I left the topic saying, “Mumma, I’m only asking because it’s good to know things about yourself. You feel empowered to change what you don't like and improve the things you like. Food is the most basic thing you can know about yourself. That’s why I was asking you. If it’s going to get you all upset I’ll leave it.”
My aunt visited around that time so my mum asked her the same question. She was surprised at how quickly my aunt responded telling her about her favourite food. For the next couple of weeks I noticed her attitude had changed slightly. The next time she spoke to her mum she asked what her favourite food was growing up. After taking into consideration a lot of choices and the process of elimination she realised what her favourite food was and told me about it. As soon as she said it, I saw her face light up. She looked happy. She said she realised how she had forgotten about herself for such a long time. In that instance we both shared a very special moment together.
But why did I tell you this story?
From this experience I realised how I had been so caught up in making the happiness of people around me a priority that I lost track of what I really liked or disliked. I just adopted the choices of the people around me. When I asked my mum the same I realised how she’d just adopted my dad’s choices for her own.
Can we not love someone and still like things that are different to him or her?
I’ve learnt that before you can love anyone you have to really love yourself. If you don’t you really have love within you, there’s not much to offer. And you can only love ‘you’ once you actually know ‘you.’
Keep discovering. After all, knowledge is power..! :)
P.S. Mum’s favourite is bhel puri and mine is Asian food. Thai tops the list… J
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