Being naughty.... guilt free..:)

Wow...! When I made the commitment to blog about my experiences everyday, I definitely didn't think it through. Soooo disappointed with myself for having missed a couple of days already. If I'm allowed to make an excuse then it would be that it was the weekend. But who am I kidding right? I made the commitment myself so excuses are a no go.

The good thing is I didn't let the third day go by and I'm back here.

So anyway, what did I get up to? Well, I was in celebration mode because after my first week back on the program I found that I lost 2 kilos. I was ecstatic. And no, by celebration I didn't mean food and drinks. I was just very happy. How did I celebrate? Now, it may sound a little irresponsible on my part already but I slept in and skipped exercise the last couple of days.

Yes, I felt very guilty. Almost didn't feel like waking up this morning.

I spent the start of my day feeling bad about what I'd done. I went back to thinking about how I felt when I slept in. I felt happy. I felt like I had earned it. I knew what it takes to wake up at 6.30 in the morning. The commitment to sleep at 10.30 at night. The sacrifice of a very active social life. I had done that for a week and knew I was capable of doing it again. Suddenly, I didn't feel guilty about sleeping in anymore.

Ever notice how everything you love is always not so good for you.....?

I'm convinced its the work of a marketing genius in the weight loss industry. They make you feel guilty even for craving that odd cupcake once in a while.

No one should feel guilty for doing something that makes them happy. Yes, we should be aware of the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them. Makes a big difference. One is discouraging (for lack of an apt word) and the other is empowering.

So I've decided I'm going to continue being "naughty" on that odd occasion and I'm going to do it guilt free. I'm going to continue enjoying the things that make me happy.
Sleep ins
butter/cheese on toast
creamy pasta
break from exercising
movie marathons with popcorn
ice creams
paan
parties with beer and wine
low fat pizza with extra cheese
maggi noodles
red velvet cupcakes
and the list could get quite exhaustive so I'll stop for now...oh wait..! I can't forget chocolates. Especially Lindt... they are sooooo yummy..... :)


Not letting that marketing genius win......!!!

Why are you "doing it?"

Some time last year (not that long ago) my personal trainer was discussing weight loss with a girl who had just joined the gym in the change rooms. She must've been giving her my example because as soon as I walked in she said "See, this is Tulsi. She's the one. Talk to her."

I figured what they must've been talking about and waited for the girl to speak. Her expression was so familiar. I had been that girl so many times earlier and so I knew exactly what she didn't want to hear.

The girl looked at me and hesitantly asked, "how did you manage to lose so much weight?"
I replied, "because I really wanted to"

Her expression just switched. "What a snob!" is probably what she must've remarked in her mind 'cause that's what I read on her face. I had her attention and realised I shouldn't waste the opportunity.

I asked further, "Why do you want to lose weight?"
She looked at me surprised. Like I'd asked the most stupid(est) question on earth. By now we had company in the change rooms and one of the ladies interrupted.

"She is so fair and has such a lovely face. If she looses a little weight she will look so beautiful. She will get a good husband."

(Suddenly noticing that this girl was in her early-mid 20's) I was very quick to reply. Maybe because I had anticipated the end of that sentence and had heard it a million times before myself.... "She IS already very beautiful."

I suddenly felt I was in a more responsible position to ensure this girl didn't feel any less of herself. No one had the right to make her feel like that. I took a seat next to her and told her, "See, if you are going to try and lose weight because your parents or aunties or uncles or anyone else around you feel that you should, don't do it. If you feel that losing weight is going to get you a good partner, don't do it. If you want to lose weight because you believe it is in your best interests, do it. It means better health, do it. It means more energy, do it. It makes you happy, do it. Make sure you're doing it only because YOU want to do it. If you feel you don't want to, don't do it. You'll only end up wasting valuable resources that could've been used doing things you actually enjoy and that make you truly happy."

Honestly, I haven't seen that girl in the gym since that day. I'm hoping she gave some thought to what I said. Maybe her parents hate me. I'm sure my personal trainer does. She lost a prospective client!

I guess whether its weight loss or anything else for that matter, its important to do it because it makes YOU happy. Its what YOU want to do. At the end of the day, a happy soul is a healthy one.

Hope you know why you're doing it....:)

I'm back..... and here to stay :)

Yes, I know its a little late in the year to be talking about new years resolutions but I figured I may as well have a resolution that I'm going to see through till I achieve it rather than forgetting about it within a week, a month or a couple at best. Hence, the delay in making the commitment to myself.

Most of you would know that I managed to shed quite a bit off in 2011. However, I didn't quite achieve the goal I had in mind last year..... When I tried to take stock of last year I realised it was mostly because I didn't quite factor in the celebrations and holidays that made home, home.

So anyway, coming back to this year. I have resolved to shed 20 kg by the end of this year but more importantly, to blog my daily experiences till I get there. I set up the blog so that I could share my experiences to assure those trying to fight their demons that they're not alone. I'm guilty of not staying true to that purpose and allowing less important things to get in the way. No More. Here's hoping that a public commitment means I don't lose track of my goals.

What this means for you? You can either follow my blog to receive updates every time I post or get spammed on FB or twitter....;) I intend to share a link till I start receiving some seriously scary hate mail. :P

Ok then, I'm off for now. See you again tomorrow morning bright and early.
Good Morning, Good night (depending on which part of the world you're in)

"I AM AWESOME"

All sleepy eyed I got myself to the table for my morning chai. I saw a copy of the Baroda Times lying there with the headline, ‘I have a saggy bum, cellulite’. There was a picture of Sonam Kapoor next to it and so I decided to continue reading. The interview was pretty candid and it felt like she was just pouring her heart out.

Interesting thing was prior to her celebrity status excess weight was an issue. Post her celebrity status her saggy bits and cellulite is the issue. Saggy skin and cellulite! A Fashionista! Featured on the cover of every magazine! Ok... I better calm down. *deep breathing* 

Phew! you see, there’s no such thing as perfect. Even the most sought after fashionista is flawed. Only difference is, her flaws don't appear on the surface, thanks to a team of highly skilled professionals. Even the universe isn’t perfect anymore, what with all the global warming and s*** (let’s not get started on that topic for now)

Why are we so caught up trying to be 'perfect' all the time? By perfect I mean trying to fit other people’s idea of who we should be that we often forget who we really are. I know I’ve fallen prey to that so many times to the extent where I've felt suffocated. Not knowing something as basic as my favourite colour....!

While I was suffocating on the inside, I stumbled upon How I Met Your Mother and was introduced to Barney. His awesomeness started to brush off on me. It suddenly became very clear to me that there is no such thing as 'perfect'. Never will be. I will never have the ideal height, weight, skin, hair, shoes, clothes etc. All that is relative. What I do have is the ability to choose my attitude.

With that in mind I put together a little feel good mantra. I started looking at myself in the mirror and saying “I’m Awesome” to the person I saw. Soon I started to really smile back at the person in the mirror. That’s when I knew I’d started believing in it. Just like that, I experienced a change around me that is very hard to explain. All I know is I’m more comfortable with life because I’m being me. 

If you're caught in a similar situation, do yourself a favour. Stop trying to fit into other people’s idea of you. Be yourself. Do those things that make you happy. That make you sleep better at night. You are Awesome the way you are. Believe in it and nothing but awesomeness will follow… I promise. :)

Oh Dog, How I Love You...!

Wow…. It’s been ages since I was here and so glad to be back. The last time I was here I was toying with the idea of facing my fears. Must’ve been an inspired moment because I forgot all about it until last weekend… (aren’t we all guilty of that at some point….!)

So anyway, last weekend, I went to visit my cousin. On our way to her place she reminds me of the new addition to her family, Selten. A Chihuahua. I am relieved, temporarily, knowing that I’m not really have to going to cross paths with him because I have the option of living in a separate flat.

Now, if you know me you already you know how terrified (even that may sound as an understatement) I am of dogs, or any pet for that matter, hence the preference for gold fish.

So anyway, as soon as the elevator door opens, Selten rushes out of the house to greet my cousin and is in the elevator. At this point I’m screaming for space and asking my cousin to lift him and take him away. I am out of breath. Almost like I’ve eaten something I’m allergic to and am dying…

I walk into the house get on the bed with my legs up. I know that pet cannot climb the bed but I still can’t relax. I’m still worried that he may just jump. Now, the pet is crying and asking to be lifted and put on the bed. I am dead set against it. My cousin lifts the pet and gets him on the bed and I run to the door, stand there and observe what is happening. He smells the place that I was sitting in and quietly sits down on the bed.

While my cousin is trying to convince me to come and sit beside them I am suddenly reminded of the fact that I have decided to face my fears. I tell myself that I must make full use of this opportunity otherwise I’m just a hypocrite who writes one thing and does another.

So there I am, with all the courage I can find within me I go and sit next to Selten. Initially, hold a cushion between us to avoid direct contact. Then I slowly start to touch him. He turns around to smell me and I retreat. I try again. He smells me this time letting his nose and tongue touch my hand. It feels ticklish, that’s all. Then I start patting him and before I even realise, I’m holding him in my hands getting photographed. I’m ecstatic. I spend two days with him, lifting him, playing with him, feeding him and letting him even rest on my lap watching television with him.

Just when I’m watching TV while he sleeps in my lap, I wonder what all the fuss was about for all these years. I couldn’t find any answers except that somewhere I started believing I was afraid of dogs and kept feeding that belief till it became my reality.  Now, I’ve had this belief for so long so I realise it’s not easy to change overnight. So when I went to visit a friend who has a German shepherd, I was sceptical. However, I knew the drill this time around. All I had to do was let him know that I’m not afraid of him…!

Now, you’re smart enough to gather what the moral of this story is so I’ll stop here. Till we meet again, I’m just going to enjoy this feeling that is parallel to none that I know.

Facing fears

Like every other day I was catching up with news on facebook and happened to click a video shared by a friend. I'm hearing the words while reading e-mails and this particular line just catches my attention. It says to do something you're afraid of everyday.

Suddenly, I am taken back to a conversation I had maybe a week earlier with another friend. We were discussing my 'single' status and issues around finding the right partner. He told me that there was a fear I was carrying within me that kept creating these so called issues. At that point I looked at him funny. I couldn't think of anything I'm fearful of. I kept scratching my head for answers. For a couple of days I went around saying "I'm fearful of........" trying to complete that sentence but just couldn't.

Then again, almost as if the universe was conspiring to make me aware of what I'm most fearful of, I get an e-mail that talks about taking risks. It said "The person who risks nothing also does nothing, has nothing, is nothing. If we avoid risk we may avoid suffering and sorrow, but we simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love or live."

This time I thought to myself, I really must try to figure this one out. Within a month I've had 3-4 different sources talking to me directly and indirectly telling me that I must face my fears. Since I wasn't getting anywhere, I decided to start making a list.

1. Animals.... No surprises there.
2. Unknown waters... (too much of Hollywood....;))
3. Horror movies, including the likes of Supernatural and all Vampire series.
4. Rodents..... oh wait...that's included in animals...
Then almost as if a bulb was flicked.... I almost caught myself automatically writing the next one....

Acceptance...!

I'm thinking to myself...."Really...! Acceptance?"

Then I look around me. I hear so many girls being told ..."don't put on weight, you won't find a good guy..." "don't go out in the sun and get a tan, you won't find a good guy"..."don't speak so much of your mind, your to be in laws may not like it"...."don't get too independent, your husband may feel threatened"..... you see a pattern there....... I think (in some cases) from the moment a girl hits puberty she is being told directly or indirectly that she is not good enough the way she is. She needs to change. There is no acceptance....!!!!

(don't get me wrong... there's plenty of exceptions. I'm just talking about the majority based on my personal encounters)

Of course, then acceptance is what I'm afraid of the most when considering a prospective relationship.
What now?

Going back to the point that started it all..... doing something I'm afraid of most everyday..... I'm all set to go ahead and deal with this one too....!

I'm thinking I'll skip my fear of unknown waters..... that would be like just dishing myself up for crocodiles, sharks, anaconda's etc starving for a delicious meal... :P

As far as horror movies/series go - I'm watching Supernatural as I write this... so I've technically done my one thing I fear for the day...... !

....and now for a sweet sleep having discovered something new about me...!

Girl meets boy.

 One day….

Boy meets girl.

Girl meets boy.

A few days later…

Girl likes boy.

Boy likes girl.

Girl flirts with boy.

A few months later

Boy flirts with girl.

Girl and Boy hang out together.

Boy tells girl “You’re very special. I really like you.”

Girl kisses the boy.

Boy kisses the girl.

Girl tells boy “Say it tomorrow, when you’re sober”

Next day…

 Girl asks Boy “Still think I’m special?”

Boy asks Girl “Huh? What you talkin’ about?”

“Screw you cupid, he doesn’t even remember!”